My husband, TJ passed away on May 16, 2006. Four years later I’m still on an emotional roller coaster, even though the valleys are much shallower than they were when my grief was still a gaping wound. I continually regret that my two beautiful children are growing up without a father...

But even though the kids are a big reason for my pain, they have also provided the greatest motivation for continuing the struggle to move on with my life and accommodate to the radical new “normal” that I’m living in these days. TJ was a child at heart. He loved to laugh; loved children; loved coaching baseball and soccer. When there were no organized sports, he enjoyed getting down on the floor and playing with the kids; neighborhood children would joyfully join in the circles of fun that he was creating. He was always a happy go lucky person — full of life and energy. TJ’s troubles began with a sore on his tongue that was diagnosed as squamous cell carcinoma, which is the second most common cancer of the skin — far more dangerous than basal cell carcinoma but less dangerous than melanoma.

TJ was never one to seek medical attention unless seriously ill. However, in this case he said, “I need to go to the doctor. I bit my tongue and it is not getting better.” And then he added, “I need to tell you something. I think I have cancer.”

I said, “Oh, you don’t have cancer.”

He said, “I think I do. And if I die I want you to do some things.” He went on to say that he wanted me to remain in the house, to be happy, and to go on with my life. TJ’s comments obviously foreshadowed the fate that awaited him. It was strange that he should pronounce that benediction upon his life before his first doctor’s visit because following the diagnosis TJ never again mentioned the possibility of losing his battle with cancer. I think that he understood the power of positive thinking — the enormous influence that hope can play in altering reality. He was giving himself every chance...

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