by Jacqueline Irwin

I have to admit that I’m timid when it comes to speaking my mind in certain situations. Even though I consider myself somewhat intelligent, I have a tough time speaking up. I get tongue-tied. Of course, after an incident is long over I can think of a million things I could have or should have said, but in the heat of the moment I’m useless.

I have been on this earth for four decades and I still have a hard time saying exactly what is on my mind. After careful thought I’ve decided it’s because I’m too polite and don’t want people to think badly about me. A friend of mine mentioned that she had taken assertiveness training and was learning to get what she wanted by speaking her mind. I listened carefully to her tips and tricks.

Everyone has had an experience sometime in their life when they get taken advantage of. It happens to me all the time in places like a deli section of the grocery store where patrons walk up to the counter to place an order. Whether they do it intentionally or not, I’m not certain, but people regularly cut in front of me. I get mad and stew for a few moments, but then I just let it happen.

My usual course of action is to step aside and simply continue to wait, but after 40 years of that kind of false obsequiousness, eventually even Sister Teresa would lose her patience.

The opportunity to use my newfound assertiveness skills presented itself even before I had a chance to let the information fully sink in.

It happened at a checkout line at Ross. With only one lane open, I waited patiently behind a woman who had a pile of clothes that looked like she had shopped for a new wardrobe in a single day. The woman behind me also seemingly had one of every item the store had to offer.

Another checker arrived and asked the customer behind me to come to her checkout.

My head swiveled around on my neck like a barn owl looking at the woman with her mountain of clothing.

My first thought was, “Why didn’t the lady behind me point out that I was ahead of her and invite me to purchase my one item and be on my way?” Instead she strode past me to the next register to get checked out and be whisked on her way.

I had found my chance finally to leap to my own defense! With all the courage I could muster, though with the tenor of a squeaky mouse, I declared, “I was next.”

I could tell the checkout lady sensed that this was the first time in my entire life that I had spoken up. “Oh. I thought you were with her,” she said as she pointed to the woman with the mound of clothing at the register in front of me.

For a moment I stood trying to grasp how she could have thought I was shopping with this woman. I hadn’t spoken a word to her and my body language was screaming that I was annoyed to be standing in line to only purchase one item. By now my face must have been scrunched up something like Renee Zellweger’s.

“No, I am not with her and I should be next in line,” I declared. Alas, it was too late. She had already started ringing up the other woman’s purchases.

That day I felt good about speaking up, even though I had accomplished zero by my activities.

The next time you find yourself in a long queue beware the squeaky creature that might be standing right in front of you because it just might be me trying to exercise sufficient audacity to hold on to my place in line. If you’re tempted to cut, don’t even think about it.

Well, the fact is that you could probably just crowd in front of me and ignore my squeaks and bleats. I’m still trying to figure out how to do this assertiveness stuff and my fellow queue-waiters are probably going to continue getting away with their boorish behaviors for a while.

Jacqueline Irwin
Associate Editor
jacki@110mag.com